Declarative Language Handbook: Using a Thoughtful Language Style to Help Kids with Social Learning Challenges Feel Competent, Connected, and Understood

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Yeah, an imperative is a demand, or a command in the moment that asks the other individual to do something, or to perform in some way. So it could be to say something to do something. So examples might be stand up, sit down, say this, do this. But very discreet, it tells the person what to do, it tells the person what to say. But it really doesn’t give any additional information about the greater social context. It doesn’t get at any of the sooner I’m talking about what it’s not also, but it doesn’t really get it any of the language that we use to build relationships with other people. And it doesn’t talk about our observations together, our experiences, our memories, our ideas, our opinions, our future plans, it really doesn’t get at any of that wonderful communication that helps connect us to each other and build relationships and what it does, essentially, and I know we’ll get into this as it when it places that demand on our learners, it can trigger at times that fight flight freeze response, which as we move down the road might present as challenging behaviors to others maybe on understanding what’s going on. And you’re just seeing the end result. Simply put, imperative language requires a response. This can be problematic for children, especially if they have a language impairment. Examples of imperative language include: Gives kids a chance to discover mistakes they make without shaming or blaming (e.g., "I don't think I heard the toilet flush." instead of "Flush the toilet.")

Asking for help: saying that you don’t know or can’t remember how to do something can be a great way of making a demand more indirect. Our children often need support in relation to processing language and social interaction. A speech and language therapist can assess a child’s communication and interaction skills and make detailed recommendations. Our helpful webinar on this topic is useful place to start – a few top tips are shared below: Communication Yeah, so and I know I say this a lot in the book and and articles that I write, but just on the ground level, it’s commenting, and just really getting in the habit of commenting, rather than asking questions, and rather than placing a demand, which would be an imperative. So there’s a lot of ways that you can talk in a declarative way. You can get really complex depending on the developmental level and the readiness of the learner that you’re working with. Or you can keep it simple and easy. For younger learners. I think in natural development caregivers do speak declaratively, with their babies, with their infants, with their toddlers, with their young kids. So it’s a natural speaking style, even as language emerges. But on that very basic level, it’s just commenting. And again, the complexity of your comment is going to vary on many things. It’s going to vary based on your learner. It’s going to vary based on the context. But anybody can do it. You don’t need to memorize anything. The biggest part is being aware of your own communication, and start to notice when you’re commenting versus asking a question, or placing a demand. Having an exit strategy – knowing how to extract yourself from a situation can help with reducing anxiety (for instance, you might agree a quiet zone where a child can retreat to or provide reassurance that if something can’t be done today it can be tried again tomorrow).

I recommend that parents trying the advice in this book tread very carefully. While imperative language may invite conflict, declarative language can just as easily invite frustration. If your goal is to prompt observation of the child's surroundings without expecting a specific outcome, you'll be fine. If you expect your child to guess that they need to stand in line or clean up their room based on vague comments, you might be sorely disappointed. Linda brings decades of experience as a speech language pathologist and RDI® consultant who has been working with individuals with social learning differences to our conversation. S pecifically, we discussed the different ways we can communicate with our children, the language we use, and the effects that simple shifts in the way we have conversations can have in our daily interactions with them. We also explored what is declarative language versus imperative language, as well as the relationship between co-regulation and declarative language and why we should use them in tandem. This is a conversation that will truly change the way you think about how you communicate with your children, and leave you with easy ways to start playing with this in your day-to-day life. Develops social skills such as joint attention, perspective taking, social reciprocity, collaboration, and more (e.g., "I heard your brother calling your name. Let's see what he wants." instead of "What did your brother say?") Want to play a board game?" ➡ "We could play a board game together." or "I'd love to play this game with you" I'm writing this review from the perspective of an autistic, ADHD adult raising two neurodivergent children. My eldest (elementary-age) is ADHD and autistic with a PDA profile.

Declarative language is a way of speaking. But co-regulation is a way of being so our words won’t matter as much if we can also just be present in that moment and meet our learner where they are. And it could be just in terms of their development, understanding where they are developmentally but also in each moment in time. Many more generic autism resources – such as social stories, books, games, activities, computer games and apps – may also be helpful, but may require some creative adaption, or a more indirect form of implementation, to be effective with PDA children. Likewise therapists may need to adopt a tailored approach when working with PDA. Here are some of the benefits of using declarative language, including some example. There's likely more than what I cover below, but it will give you a taste of what you can expect. Yeah, I mean, as you’re explaining that, it’s clear, like an imperative just shuts learning down, it prioritizes our needs over everything else. And I think what you’re seeing, too, there’s a lot of things happening to integrate, to become a more flexible thinker to start noticing, to tuning and more to the environment to problem solving, multi step thing. So there’s a lot involved here, and it’s not necessarily going to be an observable change. Again, it’s not an overnight thing. What would quote unquote, realistic expectations be like? How does this play out over time, what would we hope to see in a child or an adolescent, that we’re really actively focusing on using this communication style with?Declarative language is a comment or a statement, usually about something someone knows, observes, or thinks. It sounds wonderful. And I can imagine listeners being like, oh, my god, how am I going to do all of those things? How am I going to stay present when I’m being triggered and know the right thing to say and respond and be nimble enough to know that the kid I’m talking to today has different things going on than the kid I talked to yesterday? So just as a way to invite parents to be open to this and not putting that pressure on themselves? What would you say to a parent who, who’s curious and wants to kind of play with this or start experimenting with declarative language, but are feeling overwhelmed by the expectations of how they do it? Martha Bargmann MS, CCC-SLP Speech Language Pathologist at Massachusetts General Hospital for Children TV/books/gaming can be a good way to learn about emotions, relationships and social dynamics, and enable our children to develop understanding and skills, in a more indirect way. Demands make kid feel inadequate. But declarative language empowers them to feel competent, understand the world better, develop self-awareness, and self-advocate.”**

Declarative Language Handbook: Using a Thoughtful Language Style to Help Kids with Social Learning Challenges Feel Competent, Connected, and Understood by Linda K. Murphy Yeah, thank you so much for having me. I love your community and I’m just really grateful to be a part of it. Notice, feel, see, hear, think, imagine, forget, wonder, know, remember, perhaps, maybe, I don't know, might, sometimes, what a great question, let's find out together, I'm not sure, I like, I don't like, let's, we, us, I, my, meYeah, maybe what I’ll do as well is I can give a declarative comment. But then I can give an example of how we might also pull in co-regulation, or that partnership in the moment. So imagine there’s clothes on the floor. So the imperative is, put your clothes in the hamper. The question, which also places a demand is, what do you think you should do with those clothes? I think that’s important to keep in mind. Sometimes people might think, Oh, I’m asking a question. I’m engaging. But that question also has a right or wrong answer and places a demand. So it doesn’t guide with that same positive intention that we want. So a declarative statement could be something like hmm, I noticed your clothes on the floor. Or it could be something like I’d love If you put your clothes in the hamper with a positive intention, this is a funny example that someone in training mentioned that could be something like, those clothes look really sad on your floor. I bet they’d like to be with their friends in the hamper. So again, as long as you’re communicating with positive intention, not snarky or not where you’re trying to get something, but really where you’re being playful and fun. And then if the individual really needs a little more scaffolding, or partnership, beyond the declarative statement, it would be something like, Hey, I see your clothes on the floor. Let’s put them in the hamper together, I’ll hand you the shirt and you can toss it in. So something like that, where you’re just creating a fluid partnership in the moment, or you could hand it to me and I’ll toss it in something like that. You might be a therapist or a teacher, or you might be a parent, grandparent, or babysitter. Your child might have a diagnosis such as autism, Asperger's Syndrome, PDA, ADHD or Non-Verbal Learning Disability. But they might not. No matter your child's learning style, this book was written to help you feel equipped to make a difference, simply by being mindful of your own communication and speaking style. So good. So I wrote down no snark. So basically, no snark, no sarcasm, no passive aggressiveness, I’m assuming that would kind of erase the benefits of the declarative language. So it is about that intention or the energy behind it. I love this example. Because I’m even thinking I often will, I’ll ask, Would you like my help and getting your clothes ready for the laundry? But even now, I’m realizing it is a question that could place a demand. So I might say something instead, like, I’m going to go get my clothes ready for the washing machine? I’m really hoping to get the laundry done today. Is that a declarative statement? Are you okay? And you talk about pacing and the power of a pause? Can you talk about what this might look like, because we may not get the response we want from our kids. Re-balance your relationship – a more equal relationship between child and adult, based on collaboration and respect, builds trust. Try to aim for win:win solutions. Training 2: Co-Regulation: Creating Competence, Balance and Positive Connection Through the Ups and Downs of Learning