How To Talk So Little Kids Will Listen: A Survival Guide to Life with Children Ages 2-7

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Make a sign that says kitchen open at 7AM so that your child knows not to come into the kitchen until 7AM.

Kids often respond well when we give them the words they can use to get what they want. The younger the child is, the more explicit you can be about giving him the language you prefer to hear.” Instead of thinking, “How can I control this child?” we can think of our child as being on the same team and invite his help and participation.” Punishments and rewards don’t always work as well as we think. Instead of “no running,” try: “Inside we walk, outside you may run.” 8. Begin your Directives with “I want.” Instead of hollering, “Put away your toys, it’s time for dinner!!” Walk into the room where your child is playing, quietly, but firmly tell them it’s almost dinnertime, then join in with your child’s interests for a few minutes. Going to your child conveys you’re serious about your request; otherwise, children interpret this as a mere preference. 11. Give Choices

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Offer a simple alternative if kids don’t want the “grown-up” food – peanut butter sandwich, bread and cheese, hard-boiled.

In a negotiation, a long pause is sometimes the most effective tactic to come to an agreement. With kids, the same is true. Let your child know that you aren’t trying to monopolize their mind. Stop talking so much. Be comfortable with silence. You will be happier at work, with your spouse and your kids. I can see that you don’t want to hold my hand. It makes your fingers feel squeezed. Let’s solve this problem…” Describe your child’s effort – Show him/her that you noticed how hard he/she is trying to complete a task, like tying his/her shoes or buttoning a shirt.Tell your kids how you’re feeling. Examples: “I worry that you’ll get hurt,” “I get upset when kids hit each other,” “I don’t like it when...” (69-71). Try not to blame while saying it; avoid saying “you” and strong words like “furious.” I tried it: “I feel sad when kids don’t finish their food.” FAIL. Kid made excuses. Tried it another time: “I worry that you’ll step in poop when running through the grass on your hands and knees.” Kid replied, “I’m not going to step in poop!” FAIL. I feel like shouting from the rooftops! “I’VE FOUND IT! I’VE FINALLY FOUND IT! THE SURVIVAL GUIDE TO PARENTING!” I want to tell every single parent I know about this book. I want everyone’s lives to be easier because of this book. I want this book to help change parenting in people’s homes the way it did for mine. I want others to feel the relief of FINALLY having some answers on what you should really do! Toddlers need to be told a thousand times. Children under two have difficulty internalizing your directives. Most three-year-olds begin to internalize directives so that what you ask begins to sink in. Do less and less repeating as your child gets older. Preteens regard repetition as nagging. 19. Let Your Child Complete the Thought Taking action to protect yourself and those around you is an essential life skill for adults and a powerful way to model for our children how to deal with conflict.” Making minor mistakes drives perfectionists mad. But perfectionists are rarely the most effective co-workers. As with your kids, little mistakes done playfully can unwire a bias toward ideological thinking and can unleash creativity in others.

Deeper Connection and " How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen " empowers parents to connect with their children on a deeper level. It offers insights into understanding children's emotions and needs, helping parents build trust and mutual understanding. This deeper connection forms the foundation of a loving and supportive family environment.Respect a kid’s struggle and encourage them to try. Doing it for them removes their agency in the world, which is even more frustrating than, say, a stubborn shoelace that won’t stay tied. Give kids information so they’ll know consequences, but do it in a kind, non-threatening manner (61).

Make sure you have a short explanation of what the problem is. The problem statement has to be short and touch on how that problem affects you as the parent. Simplicity is key at this stage. The classic business statement is: “I’m not sure we’re asking the right questions, solving the right problem.” The gift we can give them is to not get in the way of their process by jumping in with our reactions: advice, questions, corrections. The important thing is to give them our full attention and trust them to work it out.” When your kid does something wrong, instead of getting mad or punishing, ask the kid what to do to fix it (102-103). The problem is that kids often enjoy the fixing as well as the destruction/mess. So there is no incentive for them to not cause the destruction/mess in the future. Wait for your kid to be calm, then ask the kid to think of some solutions to the problem so it doesn’t happen again (98). I’ve tried this with my kid, and it doesn’t work. My kid just repeats what she wants and doesn’t want to do anything different. I offer suggestions, and she said she doesn’t want to, and she doesn’t care how other kids feel. In an example the authors give, a kid doesn’t like their hair washed, so they come up with the idea to wear goggles in the bath (105-107). It’s a bandaid solution though, because eventually shouldn’t the child learn to take a shower normally without goggles? How are they going to learn if they continue to use this handicap? The kid needs to learn to close their eyes like everyone else.

However this book is full of practical ways to make the everyday mundane things for fun for your child, and therefore you. And also has chapters on the little things that seem to be a battle with toddlers. (For example eating, fighting with sibling, getting in car seat when running late.)